Looking for a Good John

One of the blessings of Ghana is that it forces you to be more relaxed and have a sense of humor about yourself. It also teaches you to appreciate the many things you would otherwise take for granted. Like the toilet. The toilet, like the proverbial baseball umpire, is something that you don't notice unless it isn't doing its job well.

We just had a new toilet installed in our house. It's nice...except that it leaks. And I'm sorry to report that it leaks out of the exit pipe, if you get my drift. It's not massive, but it's a steady leak from every flush and a real pain. It means mopping sewage several times a day. This is another one of the glamorous features of research off the beaten path. We come up with creative solutions (which mostly involve going at any restaurant we visit), but it has really made me appreciate a good john. So for those of you who have taken your toilets for granted, I present a typology.

Toilets in Ghana tend to fall into three categories:

1. Fully functional, fully appointed. These are mostly at your very high end restaurant and hotels. We're talking a toilet, with a seat, that will flush when the handle is pulled. And, for bonus points, they provide toilet paper.

2. Functional but not fully appointed. Here you've got at least a bowl and it will flush when you pull the lever, but you may not have a seat and you probably don't have toilet paper. No one has spent more than six months in Ghana without looking at the semi-softness of newspaper in a whole new light. Because these toilets are quite common, you learn quickly to always carry a packet of travel kleenex and hand sanitizer.

3. Non functional. I ran into one of these yesterday, strangely enough at the bathroom of a restaurant affiliated with the UN Food and Ag Organization. Here there is just a bowl. No toilet paper, no seat, and no flushing. If you want to flush you have to go into the attached shower area, fill up a bucket and dump it in. This isn't exactly unfamiliar territory either. If you ever have to do this, be sure you dump the water slowly onto the side so it creates a nice circular flushing action.

So folks, as you go to your comfortable homes tonight and settle your little tushes on those luxury flushing toilets, appreciate what a grand innovation it is.

On the other hand, I found myself thinking of the underground tour of Seattle, and appreciating that at least we didn't have a toilet that "back flushes" and sends a spouting geyser of sewage into our home.