On houses and friends past

This blog entry began as an email to our friend Rebecca Napier-Moore. She is a native Texan (although not of the big hair and dont-mess variety) who is now married to a British guy and living in England. We met her and her lovely husband Phil the first week we were in Ghana last year. They quickly became two of our favorite folks who we spent lots of time with until they left us. Fortunately, shortly after their departure we were randomly introduced to Rob, Marta, Brian and Aaron. We met those four at a pub "quiz night." Soon we were learning bridge, being talked into trying curling, and generally socialized for our impending Canadian citizenship.

The friendship trail goes back to my first visit to Ghana. Each and everytime I was unusually blessed to find one or two people whom I absolutely clicked with. In circumstances that seem tailor-made for friendships of convenience, I strangely found intimate true friends who I would chose to be with anywhere in the world, whom I would select out of a line-up of 100. On my study abroad term there was Kourtney. She was an African-American woman from Texas attending Harvard. On the surface, particularly given the racial tension in our study abroad program, we were strang bedfellows. But she and I had oddly similar outlooks on life, perhaps because we were both very close to our mothers, had younger sisters, and had fathers who were uncannily similar (and not always in the best ways). Her father also died suddenly about six months after my own. In my heart, even if we talk only twice a year, we will always be strangely sisters.

When I came back for my Fulbright, I found more friends than I could have hoped for, and first developed my endearing obsession with small northern european countries. I hit it off with Mark an older Dutch guy who was forwardly against making friends with the many expats who came and went through the house for a few months at a time. I apparently overwhelmed his resistence and we eventually shared a flat. I also adored Pernille, a Danish woman, who eventually went on to date Mark. They now have a child together and are living in Denmark, and I am eager for the day I can visit them again. On that Fulbright year I was doubly blessed to also meet Julie and Jeremy. Julie came along at a time when I was sincerely doubting my Americanness. I had met several Americans whom I really disliked, and here I was enamored of these northern Europeans. Maybe something was wrong with me. But when I met Julie I loved her instantly. It was not long before I discovered she was also from Wisconsin. This was when I realized that no matter how far I travel, I will have Wisconsin encoded on my heart, my way of seeing, my interactions with others. Towards the end of our time there we also met Lothar (he of the new housing fame) and his wife. Lothar was also a social scientist doing a PhD on Ghanaian immigrants and the impact of their remittances on their families at home. We have since met Lothar for coffee nearly once a year, anytime we fly through Amsterdam on KLM. I feel so fortunate to have found such a wonderful colleague who so closely shares my interest in Ghanaian migrants, who is also a warm and charming person.

All this nostalgia was brought about because today we saw our new house. for the first time we will not be living with ante C at the guesthouse where I have spent a total of more than a year. I feel a strange mix of emotions. On one hand, the new place is not as spacious as the apartment we shared in the old obrunyi guesthouse. on the other hand, the landlady is really nice and friendly. it goes without saying that this is quite a change from our former landlady who was businesslike but a bit...well, lets just leave it at that.

We will have the place to ourselves, which also cuts both ways. On one hand, it means we are insulated from the random obrunyi coresidents at the old guesthouse, usually an assortment of young 20s expats from Europe and North America. Many are there on medium or short term engagements with NGOs. Like when I was in college, I have often found that I have very little in common with folks who want nothing more than to go out and drink beer and hang out in a bar. Like Dr. Suess, I will not enjoy it here, I will not enjoy it there, I will not enjoy it in a car at a bar. I will not enjoy it at home in college, I will not enjoy it while living afar. I do not like beer Sam I am.

On the other hand, as my thoughts above indicate, I have also been regularly blessed to find incredible friendships, most of which originated in one way or another at that old guesthouse compound. As Terry and I walked away from our new home I said:

Erin: "I feel a little funny."
Terry: "I like it. It's gonna be good."
Erin: "I know. I just hope we meet some nice people. We have every other time. I hope that means it is inevitable. But I suppose it could mean we've used up all our good Ghana friend karma."